Jewish Lineage
Question
I have this massive dissonance about the fact that I come from a jewish tradition, of the visceral jewish story that my grandfather was a Holocaust survivor, yet, I am not Jewish, since my father married a goy who didn't convert. I feel constant sorrow and a deep shame in my soul
Answer
Shalom!
Thank you for your question.
You are correct. Only one whose mother is Jewish, is also Jewish. One whose mother is not Jewish, is not Jewish even if the father is Jewish. There is no reason to be upset that you are not Jewish or upset for your father's misdeeds.
Allow me to share with you some of the sources that point to matrilineal lineage as being the determining factor if one is Jewish.
One source for this is the Mishna which clearly sates (Kiddushin 66b) that if the mother is not Jewish then the offspring is not Jewish. The Talmud (Kiddushin 68b) cites a verse to prove this “And you shall not marry with the non-Jews. Do not give your daughters to his sons; and do not take his daughters for your sons. For he will turn your son away from me and they will worship other gods” (Deut. 7:1-5). The Talmud elaborates on how this verse proves that lineage is determined by the mother.
There is another source cited to prove linage follows the mother. There is a verse in the Torah that states, “The son of an Israelite woman…who was the son of an Egyptian man” (Leviticus 24:10). The Torah tells us that even though his father wasn’t Jewish he was still “a member of the community of Israel” implying that lineage follows the mother.
In the book of Ezra we also find support for matrilineal descent. Regarding the Jews who returned from the Babylonian exile it says, “We have sinned against our God and have taken foreign wives of the people of the land….Let us make a covenant with our God to send away all the foreign wives and those who were born from them… let it be done according to the law” (Ezra 10:2-3). Here we see that the children of the “foreign wives” were “foreign” as well.
Judaism believes that God loves all mankind. One does not need to become Jewish to go to heaven. All that God wants from the Non-Jewish world is that they observe 7 precepts, or commandments. They are known as the “Noahide Laws.” They are called “Noahide Laws” because the requirement to observe these seven laws was given Noah, a righteous non-Jew (yes, the fellow from the story with the flood).
The 7 laws are:
1. Don’t murder.
2. Don’t steal.
3. Don’t worship false gods.
4. Don’t be sexually immoral.
5. Don’t eat a limb from an animal that is still alive.
6. Don’t curse God.
7. Establish a system of justice.
Any human being who observes these laws goes to heaven. There is no need to follow any other religion. You can pray to God in your own words and your own language.
Allow me to recommend the following sites to learn more about what G-d expects from Gentiles: https://sukkatshalom-bneinoach.com/ and https://www.netivonline.org/ which specializes in helping non-Jews with religious beliefs. There is a wealth of information there that you will find useful and inspiring. It is also worth looking up the “Noahide” or "B'nai Noach" movement and consider joining them!