Pesach with the in-laws

Hi. My husband would like to go to his parents for Pesach because we haven’t been there for that Yom Tov in many years. In the past he didn’t want to go there for Pesach because they rush through the Seder. He preferred being in an environment where our daughter could talk about what she had learned in yeshiva about Pesach. Our daughter is now 12 and out of the blew he announces that we’re going to his parents for Pesach because it isn’t fair that we haven’t been there so long and it’s our least expensive option (we’ve been having financial problems because I haven’t been able to work). I voiced my shock,and more importantly, I reminded him of the above AND that his parents has many issues with mechalel Shabbos. They have sensors all over their house so lights go on and off, their front door has an automatic lock, their 2nd fridge is in the garage which has an automatic door, the lightbulbs go on when you open the fridge and freezer, they prepare for the 2nd day when it’s still the first, and they heat up food on Shabbos that has sauce. I have asked my husband numerous times to respectfully speak to his parents about these issues, but he refuses to. He says, “Their house, their rules.” Although my father in law didn’t receive a yeshiva education, my mother in law did in one that was Orthodox as did my husband. I don’t think it’s my place to speak with them and that they’ll respond better to him. They might not agree to change these things but I think he should at least try. My daughter always asks us why they’re “not so frum”. Rabbi, I don’t know what to do and my husband also refuses to ask any of his Rabbaim. Can you provide any guidance, please?

Thank you for your question

first I would like to share with you a thought about Pesach, the Torah writes למען תספר באזני בנך ובן בנך

meaning that it is a time of connection between father and son and grandson, to tell the story of the exodus and the Emunah in Hashem, even if it is told in a quick fashion it still makes a great impact on the child. therefore it would be special for you to be there at the grandparent's table so they should share and have that special link of the generations. I have noticed your concern about Halachic issues in your in-law's home, about the light sensors going on or warming liquid, since there are opinions that are lenient about it you can rely on them, since it is not you that is doing the Melacha. About the electric door and the second fridge make sure you are not the one to open it yourself.

 I bless you to have a peaceful Yom  tov and your pursuit of family peace should bring you much blessing 

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