The Difference Between the Questions of the Wise Son and the Wicked Son
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Question
In the Passover Haggadah, it is written that the wise son says 'with you' and the wicked son says 'to you', and only about the wicked son is it said that he excluded himself from the community. Why?
Answer
Hello,
There are many explanations given for this, and I will present some of them:
The Chatam Sofer explained, based on the halacha that one should judge the righteous favorably and not the wicked, therefore in the words of the wicked son, we interpret that he means 'to you and not to him', but the wise son is judged favorably, as his intention is only to say that the commandment was given to the forefathers.
The Maharam Benet explained that the emphasis in the words of the wicked son is on the expression 'this work', which is a term of disdain and contempt, not on the word 'to you'.
In the book 'Mareh Yechezkel', it is explained that the claim against the wicked son is that he rejects the very essence of performing the mitzvah, but the wise son agrees to perform it, only asking for the reason. As explained in the wording of his question.
[I did not answer immediately because there were many halachic questions that needed urgent responses, and only now have I been able to address questions of explanations and the like. I apologize].
Source
Torat Moshe, Chatam Sofer, Vayikra, Haggadah, d.h. 'What does the wise son say'.
Drashot Maharam Benet, Drush 14.
Mareh Yechezkel, Festivals, Haggadah.