Wedding and music after Lag Be'Omer

Hi, I have a friend who told me that they don’t do weddings even after Lag BaOmer. Is that true? Does such a custom exist? I thought that Rabbi Akiva’s students stopped dying on Lag BaOmer, so why would the mourning continue after that?

Thank you for your question.

I would first like to fill you in on the customs that apply after Lag BaOmer, since they are not that well known, and then explain the source of the custom not to hold weddings even after Lag BaOmer.

Having a haircut after Lag BaOmer:

The common custom for Bnei Ashkenaz is that it is permitted to have a haircut after Lag BaOmer. For Bnei Sefarad, the custom is to wait until the 34th day of the Omer. (However, this year, since the 34th day falls on Shabbat, it would be permissible even for Bnei Sefarad to have a haircut on Friday, which is the 33rd day of the Omer.)

However, in ‘Luach Eretz Yisrael’, it is brought that the custom is to refrain from having haircuts until Rosh Chodesh Sivan, and some have the custom to wait until the Shloshet Yemei Hagbalah.

So, as you can see, there are certain customs that continue the practices of mourning for Sefirat HaOmer even after Lag BaOmer.

The custom of the Arizal is not to cut one’s hair at all during the days of the Omer—including Lag BaOmer—until the evening of the 49th day. However, in a time of need, one may have a haircut on the 48th day of the Omer, or even on the eve of the 48th day.

Listening to music:

Hagaon Harav Fried says, one should refrain from listening to music till Rosh Chodesh Sivan.

Weddings:

Bnei Sefarad are permitted to hold weddings from the 34th day of the Omer onward.
However, the custom of Bnei Ashkenaz (especially in Eretz Yisrael) is not to make any weddings until either the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd of Sivan, depending on their custom.

So the question is, why are there still restrictions like not having weddings and listening to music, if the reason for observing mourning until Lag BaOmer was because of the tragic death of Rabbi Akiva’s 24,000 students who passed away during that period? What happened after Lag BaOmer?

This question is asked by the Taz, and I quote:

ט"ז על שולחן ערוך אורח חיים הלכות פסח סימן תצג סעיף ג

והמנהג בכל המקומות שאין עושין נשואין אלא ביום ל"ג בעומר לא לפניו ולא לאחריו עד עצרת ואין לזה טעם וא"ת שאוחז בחומרי שניהם א"כ ביום ל"ג בעומר לא יסתפרו ולא יעשו נשואין מטעם השני. וי"ל דודאי העיקר שאחר ל"ג בעומר לא מתו ו אפ"ה נוהגים קצת אבילות מחמת גזרת תתנ"ו שהיתה באשכנז בין פסח לעצר' כמו שמפורש ביוצרות ופיוטים שאנו אומרים בשבתות ההם שהם נתיסדו כמו קינות כנלע"ד טעם המנהג שלנו שאין נושאין אחר ל"ג בעומר.

And the custom in all places is not to make weddings except on the day of Lag BaOmer—not before it and not after it until Shavuos—and this has no clear reason…..And one can answer that certainly, the main view is that after Lag BaOmer the students of Rabbi Akiva no longer died. Nevertheless, some mourning practices are observed due to the tragedies of [the year] תתנ"ו (1096), which happened in Ashkenaz between Pesach and Shavuos , as is evident from the Yotzros and Piyutim that we recite on those Shabbosim, which were composed as Kinos. This seems to me to be the reason for our custom not to make weddings after Lag BaOmer.

We see that the reason for the custom not to hold weddings after Lag BaOmer is because of the great tragedies that happened to Jewish communities during the First Crusade in 1096. During that time, large mobs of Crusaders passed through France and the German Rhineland on their way to the Holy Land. On the way, they turned their aggression toward Jewish communities in Europe, especially in Speyer, Worms, Mainz, Cologne, and other cities along the Rhine.

These Crusaders attacked and destroyed entire Jewish communities, especially in Mainz, Worms, and Speyer. They murdered thousands of Jews, including men, women, and children. Jews were told to convert or be killed. Many chose to die al kiddush Hashem (sanctifying God's Name). They burned synagogues and homes. These horrific events are referred to as the גזרות תתנ"ו.

Since this happened during the last part of the Sefira, we continue to keep some of the signs of mourning in place, like not having weddings or not listening to music.

Wishing you well, and may we merit the speedy arrival of the mashiach.

Azamroh Lishmech Moadim - Sefirat Ha'omer