No forgiveness

I deeply offended someone, and have been asking him for forgiveness for a whole year. But he’s not ready to forgive. What can I do?

Dear …!

The law is that one has to ask for forgiveness three times. This should be done differently each time. If this won’t be embarrassing for the offended party, one should ask him for forgiveness in the presence of others.

One should learn the laws of asking for forgiveness in the Shulchan Oruch (section Orach Chaim, chapter 606, §1) and Mishnah Berurah (ibid.).

Someone who wants to go beyond the letter of the law should keep asking for forgiveness until one is granted.

My life experience tells me that even when the offence is very grave, if the offender keeps asking for forgiveness in a genuine and frank manner, the offended will forgive him in the end. In most cases they will even become close friends.

It’s clear that the worse the offence, or, at least, the harder the offended took the offence, the more patience is required to secure forgiveness. But the reward for a commandmet is proportional to the effort expended on fulfilling it.

Shulchan Oruch, section Orach Chaim, chapter 606, §1; Mishnah Berurah, ibid.