Marital Relations

Is intercourse only meant to occur with the intent of impregnating the woman? Can a Jewish couple have intercourse for their own pleasure or relieving stress?

Shalom!

Thank you for your question!

Marital relations between husband and wife are not merely for pregnancy and reproduction. A Jewish couple is very much required to engage in marital relations for mere pleasure, as I will explain.

The mitzva of giving one’s wife pleasure is known as the mitzva of “Ona”. As a general rule, a man is required to engage in this mitzva as much as his physical stamina and occupation allow. This is generally understood as being an average of twice per week. One must ensure a pleasurable and loving experience when fulfilling the mitzva of Ona. One who does not join with his wife is considered to be committing a form of spousal abuse.

As mentioned, the mitzva of Ona is independent of the mitzva of procreation. It is the same mitzva whether the woman cannot get pregnant, while pregnant, and even after menopause.

The wife also has a mitzva to be responsive to her husband’s gestures and actively participate in Ona. If one’s wife does not desire full relations one still fulfills the mitzva by showing other forms of affection to her.

The mitzva of Ona is also a fulfillment of the mitzva of “love your fellow as yourself” (Lev. 19:18), as every person desires to be shown affection, especially in the marital sphere. Marital relations are also known as “derech eretz”, “the way of the world,” since every person yearns for pleasurable marital relations.

Reishit Chochma, Sha’ar Ha'ahava, ch. 4

Pesaḥim 72b; Avoda Zara 5a; 1:3.