Repentance From Sin: Against G-d/Others

Hello Rabbi, Let us assume that I have sinned grievously against another person and harmed them, even to the point of death. My sin is against that person and against G-d. If I later repent sincerely, I believe that G-d is likely to forgive me. However, since my sin was also against a person, what if that person’s soul chooses not to forgive me ? Am I then condemned forever ? In a nutshell, I feel it takes more than G-d’s forgiveness to redeem a person. Forgiveness from the victim is also needed. Am I wrong ?

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

It is very impressive that you wish to repent and correct your mistakes. We respect this very much.

In the case you described part of doing repentance is making amends, o ne would have to approach an orthodox Rabbi who will advise him on what he would have to do.

I do want to share with you what generally Teshuvah (Repentance) is about.

In Judaism, there is no such thing as G-d being angry forever. G-d does not want to punish you at all. G-d wants just wants a relationship with you…and it appears you are making these efforts!

We believe that all mankind who has sinned can be cleansed of their sin with prayer and “Teshuva”, meaning, repentance.

We see this, in fact, in the very first chapters of the Torah, where it says that G-d said to Cain: "Why are you upset, and why has your countenance fallen? If you do good [i.e. repent and change your ways], it will be good for you [that is, you will be forgiven]. But if you don’t do good, sin rests at the door..but you can overcome it!" (Genesis 4:6-7).

You are correct, however, that for sins against our fellow man, we must seek the forgiveness of the person we harmed. As the Talmud (Yoma 85b) says: “Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya taught regarding Yom Kippur: The Torah states, ‘For this day shall atone for you by purifying you from all of your sins, before G-d you shall be purified.’ This teaches us that Yom Kippur atones for sins one commits against G-d. However, sins committed between man and his fellow man are not erased until one appeases his friend.” From here we learn that if one “sins” against another person one is required to seek that person’s forgiveness.

A person should forgive those who ask for forgiveness. To not forgive is considered to be cruel.

The Rambam discusses the process of seeking forgiveness from others, especially f they choose not to forgive. As the Rambam writes (Hilchot Teshuva Chapter 2): “Repentance and Yom Kippur atone only for sins one commits against G-d...If one’s friend refuses to forgive him, one should bring along three of this man’s friends and they should ask him to forgive him. If the wronged party still refuses to grant his friend forgiveness, one should bring a second set of three of this man’s friends and then a third in order to convince him to forgive. If, after all of this, he still refuses to forgive, he should leave him alone and doesn't need to ask him again.

A person should be quick to forgive just like we want G-d to be quick to forgive us when we’ve sinned against Him.