Why Did G-d Make Me Like This?

Hello, please forgive me in advance for not knowing how to write, I have not spoken to any rabbi before. I am a single twenty-one year old girl with a heart full of love, a mind full of dreams, I think God put these things inside me from the beginning, however, I am very ugly, with a bad body shape, a big nose and small lips, my friends want me to start with cosmetic surgery or makeup, but such things have never seemed beautiful or real to me, they also feel dishonest, my body is weak and sick and I am not a smart person to solve the problems of the world... This contradiction torments me, did God intentionally give me desires for things and make me weak in the external world against them? God is capable of anything, but He made me incredibly ugly and I don't understand why. If I were heartless, that would make sense, but I'm not. I once had a crush on someone for seven years. I kept my purity and always had hope. However, I don't think anyone could ever fall in love with a monster. Please trust me when I say I'm ugly. I'm so sad and angry with God for this. I don't understand why he couldn't at least have a normal face.When I was a child, I always wanted to make a big contribution to the world. I always thought that God created me for a special reason, but I still haven't found any purpose in life. I wish God would give me wealth or power to spend on people, but I don't receive any signs in life to guide me. I study at university, but I don't feel like I'm on the right path or a useful person. I'm completely useless, and I hate it with all my heart. Also, God hasn't given me the kind of sexual desire that He has for others. I'm just lonely and looking for an ally to share my life with, but from my ugliness and all my circumstances, I conclude that God wants me alone and this is against me. I'm only human.Sorry for being so wordy, I needed someone to ask my question but I didn't know who, thank you in advance.

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

We are very saddened to hear your predicament and your feelings.

Halachically there is no problem with doing cosmetic surgery. We believe everyone has a “soul mate” regardless of one’s level of beauty.

Pray to G-d for assistance in a journey of doing what you can to make yourself look and feel more attractive and pray that G-d send you your soul mate.

There is no doubt that you have talents that others do not have. There are definitely contributions you can make to this world in general and to the lives of those around you in particular.

Prayer and being pro-active is sure to better your situation.

We wish you the best.