Visiting Grave on Yartzeit

Father yartzeit this shabbos. Can I visit grave this Thursday ?

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

As you have noted, it is a widespread and commendable custom to visit the grave of the deceased on their yartzeit. This is especially true concerning a first degree relative and even more so concerning one’s parents as doing so is a fulfillment of the mitzva of “kibbud av va’em,” honoring one’s parents even after their death.

The reason for the yartzeit visit is based on the teaching that the soul of the departed descends to its earthly burial place on the day of the yartzeit . One should recite besides the customary Tehilim that are recited, “ kel maleh rachamim ” and " Hazkarat Ne'shamo t" when visiting a grave, especially when visiting on the yahrzeit .

While it is ideal to visit the grave on the actual day of the yartzeit, it is not always practical to do so. One should not be distressed about this especially if one can at least visit in the three days prior to or the three days following the yartzeit as these days are considered to be connected to the yartzeit, as well. As such, one who is unable to visit a grave on the actual yartzeit should at least endeavor to do so during the three days before or after the yartzeit.

As such, in your situation, visiting the grave on Thursday is completely acceptable.

It is worth noting that there is a widespread misconception that one who hasn’t visited a parent’s grave in over seven years may not visit ever again. While such an idea is found in some sources, the halacha is not in accordance with this view. In fact, the Zohar records an incident where a son visited his father’s grave after not visiting in over a decade and the father was pleased that he did so.

YD 344:20; Divrei Shaul, YD 355; Hitorerut Teshuva, YD 187; Afarkasta D’anya 1:188;  Birkei Yosef, OC 284:1.

Kol Bo 2:4:34; Chatam Sofer, YD 2:355; Shem Aryeh, OC 14; Hillel Omer 243; Be’er Moshe 4:104