Advice on Finding a Spouse

Question

Hey rabbi, I am 17 years old and I am worried that one day I won't be able to find a wife , the reason is because good ,respectful and honest, women are hard to find these days , is there any advice you can give me? Does the torah say anything about this? Is this something to be worried about?... thank u for listening

Answer

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

While it is true that one must be careful with who one marries, it may not be as hard as you think to find a good wife.

In the orthodox world, “shidduch”, traditional matchmaking, is still used…and it works!

Matchmakers, or shadchanim, facilitate introductions between potential partners based on compatibility, religious observance, and other criteria.

Don’t worry! Shidduch dating is very different from simply being set up on a blind date. The system works because there are silent rules that set the tone for mature relationships.

When going through a Shadchan, a person is matched for compatibility in vital areas and interests even before they meet. You never have to date someone just because a Shadchan suggested it. After the suggestion is made you can look into it and do your own “homework” on the person suggested.

Shidduch dating is also recommended because when going through this system it is clear that both parties are seeking a long term relationship and not merely a temporary social experience. If you don’t feel any chemistry with your shidduch date after 2 or 3 meetings then that is probably a sign to move on, and it is completely acceptable to do so.

Shidduch dating can be fun! You can go to parks, restaurants, museums, and venues tat allow you both to speak and get to know one another to determine whether you are compatible.

It is worth adding that in the Shidduch system there is no physical contact. Physical contact blurs a person’s sense of judgment as to whether or not two people are compatible. When the chemistry is created by the “internals” only you are much more assured that you’ve found the right one!

Communication, mutual respect, and compatibility are key factors in building a strong and fulfilling marriage within the Jewish faith.


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