Prioritizing Wife over Father and Mother
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Question
Hello, My question concerns the relationship with one's wife and domestic harmony. In our generation, it is customary to consider the wife's opinion and prioritize her before one's father and mother. Two sources I would like to understand in this context: 1. Judges 14:16 - Samson says to his wife: "How can I tell you something I haven't told my father and mother?" 2. Leviticus 19:3 - Rashi brings that the obligation is on the husband to honor his parents more than his wife. Is the husband obligated to prioritize them even if the wife objects?
Answer
Hello
The obligation to honor one's father and mother is from the Torah and is one of the Ten Commandments.
The obligation to honor one's wife is from the words of the Sages, as well as from the general commandment of 'Love your neighbor as yourself,' which includes all people, including one's wife and parents.
Therefore, it is clear that the obligation to honor parents is greater than the obligation to honor one's wife.
On the other hand, the poskim (Jewish legal decisors) have written that if a person loses domestic harmony, it is considered that the honor is at the expense of the son, and according to the law 'honor of parents is from the father's resources.' This means that the expenses of honoring parents fall on the parents, not on the children, and certainly, the son should not lose his domestic harmony for the sake of honor.
Therefore, although it is clear that honoring parents comes first, one must always weigh whether the honor to parents will harm domestic harmony.
Source
Shevet Ha-Levi (Vol. 9, Siman 197).